Reflections of a Romantic Agnostic

With apologies to residenttraveler who I know intends to write about this very topic in his excellent blog. I Just had a long debate with the aforementioned rez and my 2 beloved cousins, which prompted me to write this post.

I'm an agnostic. I don't believe anyone has a proof of God's existence, or lack thereof. The way I see it, the notion of God is sufficiently abstract, so as to transcend any rationalistic proof either way.

Pretty standard world view. No chidush here.

We now face the question: which is more appealing: a world with God, or that without.

In my view there is something very empty and uninspiring about atheism. I'm sorry, but waking up in the morning and knowing there is no God, doesn't make me want to run in the fields and smell the flowers. To me, the search for meaning ends quite abruptly in such a world. There is no meaning{1}. The sunset is just some light on the horizon. My friends don't really love me, and I don't love them: it's just egotistical interests, survival instincts. All is random and arbitrary. Morality is left in the hands of man: a pathetic and ruthless animal.

Now this may very well be true. I don't deny it. But I find it very unromantic.

I like to think there is some emotional meaning behind all things. A beautiful sunset is something to be enjoyed, it symbolizes the end of a day, the fall of night, the tranquility of nature, warmth. When I hear an emotionally moving song, I am moved because the song was written by an author who felt these emotions and wanted to share them with me. If I were later to find out that this song was actually generated by a random process in some sophisticated computer; it would take the fun out it. I would have to cynically look at my enjoyment of the song as a chemical process in my brain. In the same way, to me, thinking there is some "author" to the world, just might give things more meaning.

Now of course, I know nature is harsh and cruel, humans are evil, and life basically sucks. I know all this. We are probably all doomed and abandoned. But c'mon, where's the fun in that?

So no, I don't know that there is a God, but I must say that the notion that there is some hidden meaning to all of this craziness we live in, makes things just a bit more romantic{2}.

Candle-lit dinner in Paris, anyone?

--Notes--
{1} I am taking things to an extreme here to emphasize my point, I do realize that many atheists do believe there's meaning to the world. To these people, God is not necessary to experience love and other emotions. Still, there's a certain discouraging je ne sais quoi about this belief, even though it may well be true. I will go so far as to understand how the knowledge that there is no God, and that we are essentially abandoned to our own fate, can be quite exhilirating, on an ironic level.

{2} According to what I see in Wikipedia on agnosticism, I might be considered a Spiritual Agnostic. Hooray, my views are unoriginal!